Bar-Bri and Carrot Top

We’ve started Bar-Bri. It’s a pretty ridiculous institution. It pretty much teaches you all of law school in a 1 month intensive program. However, they teach the material like they are teaching auto diesel repair, no analysis, no background, no depth. Just, if they ask this, do this. If they say this, say that. Anyway, they pile a couple of hundred of us in a room where you may or may not be lectured by a giant screen playing a prerecorded lecture. That’s value for your 2000 dollars, those people must print money.

Luckily, today we were lectured by a real live human. Quite a character, I couldn’t pay attention all morning because of his bizarre voice. It was familiar, but just out of reach. During hour two I figured it out. Holy shit, he sounds just like the short guy from “The Princess Bride.” After that I was distracted by constantly thinking, “You fool! I switched glasses when your back was turned! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this: never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...” Then I would imagine him falling over dead. Pleasant classroom fantasy.

There are also a lot of characters among my classmates, and by characters I mean douchbags. The guy who sits next to me fancies himself a comedian. Another student kept dropping her pen, so this guy comes to class the next day with a giant novelty pen. “Ha Ha, I brought her a huge pen. Maybe she won’t drop this one because it’s so big. Hey, look at how big the pen is. I bet that she can’t drop this one. Ha ha. I brought her a big pen. It’s way too big to drop. Ha ha ha ha ha.” Then the next person would walk by, “Hey, look at this huge pen.” Etc… ad nauseam. That’s right… prop comedy. This guy’s go to move was prop comedy. He’s the Carrot Top of Bar-Bri. Awesome. Which means that he went home and got a huge pen that he already had, or worse yet, went out, found, and spent money on a giant pen that he could bring to class for the sole purpose of making that torture instrument of a joke. What a son of a bitch.